Gambling on Social Security

I'm amazed they've kept this under wraps. They must be waiting for the perfect moment to unveil the plan for maximum PR effect. But I'm going to blow it by revealing the secret Bush plan for Social Security.

You know all about private retirement accounts, right? Where you get to keep your hard earned money in an investment account instead of paying it into Social Security. Well the new plan brings to the table an unprecedented public-private partnership that will give a totally new meaning to the "New Deal."

It's called the "Real Deal." How it works is, when you pay you Social Security tax, you can have it returned to you in the form of casino chips. You can use them at any casino in the land to hopefully make yourself a million bucks. No luck this week? Try again next payday! Between now and the time you retire, you're bound to hit a winning streak sometime! The government and the casino each take a cut, which helps social security become solvent while creating jobs in your community. It's the perfect plan!

There would be guarantees, of course, that the federal government will not encroach on states' rights, i.e. the lottery. Powerball, Megabucks and Lotto will continue to provide revenue streams for the states. In fact you may start getting scratch tickets in place of your state tax refund beginning in 2005.