Thank God it's over

I'm not talking about the election, because it hasn't happened yet and may go on for weeks anyway. No, my relief flows from the end of the weeklong nightmare known as Halloween.

The tension started to build well ahead of the event with costume selection. The middle child wanted the sassy Barbie devil costume shown in a catalog for $40; the youngest wanted Hello Kitty nothing else just Hello Kitty!; the oldest couldn't decide. Answers: we'll make a devil costume, but we're not buying one; we already have a black cat costume, so you're going to be Hello Kitty's friend Choco Cat; you'd better make up your mind or there won't be any trick or treating. Remarkably everyone agreed. The oldest decided to be a Lego guy.

Three evenings of costume-making later, we were ready for Halloween Day 1: The School Edition, which was on a Thursday because school was closed Friday (meetings or something). Halloween Day 2: The Town Edition was on Friday, with trick-or-treating at local businesses. Then Halloween Day 3: The Party Edition came on Saturday, when the oldest was sick and stayed home while the other two went to two parties, skipping the third because they were just too worn out. Finally we had Halloween Day 4: The Halloween Edition. This involved a day of waiting, an early dinner, a mad dash of putting on costumes and pinning up the broken parts, and finally trick-or-treating with Dad, who wore the cow suit from 7 years ago because it was in the Halloween box and the youngest saw it and as soon as she did there was absolutely no way I would get away with wearing anything else. Three-year-old pointing to the udder, which was below belt-high: "Dad, are those penises?"

Eleven minutes and 8 houses later the kids unanimously decided they wanted to go home. So we did, and they devoured their candy. Sugar rush. Insulin rush. Sugar low. At bedtime the youngest went through an absolutely hellish tantrum. After a solid half hour of screaming she drank 2 glasses of water and dropped asleep in her mother's arms. A half hour later, the oldest went through an absolutely hellish tantrum. After a solid half hour of screaming he drank 2 glasses of water and dropped asleep in his mother's arms. The middle child was perfectly fine.